TMI Tuesday: January 31, 2012 - Super Bowl Sunday Celebration

(or any sports party)

Even if their team is not going to the Super Bowl, millions of people love an excuse to party. So party we will. Tell us what your ideal Super Bowl Celebration (or any sports party) looks like by answering:

Jack's Answers

1. What’s your favorite _____ that you’ll serve at the party (name one item for each):
a. choice of beer
I prefer not to drink - and therefore I don't serve - cheap domestic beer like Bud Light or Coors Light.  I would probably have Blue Moon, Shock Top, Fat Tire or Gordon Biersch on hand, as to me those beers represent a respectable compromise between quality and cost.
b. choice of wine
Definitely a red, probably Pinot Noir.  While we drink a lot of wine, we drink more beer on Super Bowl Sunday.
c. choice of distilled spirit
I drink Irish whisky, preferably Jameson's or Paddy's (no Bushmills if I can help it).  However, I'll put out some cheap whisky for my guests - Jack Daniels is likely - since they'll probably prefer it anyway, the uncultured boors.  Beyond that, we will have on hand vodka, scotch, rum, and tequila, and a snifter of brandy after the game sounds good as well.
d. choice of mixed drink
I usually drink my whisky neat; however I will have on hand all the usual mixers for my guests to enjoy as they see fit.
e. choice of chip
Corn chips will be served.  They're not my favorite chip for snacking on; that distinction goes to the sturdy, delicious tortilla chip, especially when eaten with a delicious homemade tomatillo or habanero salsa.  However, corn chips go perfectly with my preferred dip.  See the next question.
f. choice of dip
The greatest Super Bowl Sunday dip in the world is a mix of rotisserie chicken, buffalo wing sauce, cream cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, and blue cheese dressing.  Once I tried this stuff, I knew I'd never go back to heroin.
g. choice of take-out food (pizza, burgers, Chinese food, wings, etc)
Wings.  I don't think there's ever been a Super Bowl Sunday in which I haven't eaten wings.  Even after polishing off half a tray of the aforementioned buffalo wing dip, I can still kill several buffalo wings.
h. choice of homemade food
Whatever you want to make, 'cause I'm not cooking.
i. choice of salty food
Tortilla chips.  If time allows on Saturday (it probably won't), I might make some from scratch, along with some salsa.
j. choice of sweet food
Probably M&Ms.  We always have a few bags in our cupboard, and enjoy munching on them whether there's a football game on or not.

2. What will you wear at the party?
Hopefully nothing.  Hey, it's my party.

3. You will be having your very own half time show at the football party. What is that half-time show? Briefly describe.
During half time, all chairs will be moved away from the center of the room.  Jill and I will move into the empty space, strip off each other's clothes, and begin fucking with wild abandon while our guests cheer us on.

4. What team do you wish was playing in the Super Bowl?
My local heroes, the San Francisco 49ers.  I doubt any Bay Area football fan was less than heartbroken after their loss to the Giants.

5. The NY Giants and New England Patriots are in Super Bowl 2012, who do you want to win?  (ummm…yeah, I had to google that info…LOL)
I'll be rooting for the Patriots, and not just because the Giants beat the Niners.  I like the team, and would greatly enjoy seeing them get a little payback after the upset that was Super Bowl XLII.

Bonus: Have you ever made a football (or Super Bowl) bet that involved sex? Tell us about your own Super Bowl of Sex.
No, I've never made a Super Bowl bet involving sex.  However, I bet on Juan carlos Ferrero to win the 2003 U.S. Open.  Andy Roddick won instead, I couldn't come up with the money, and the bookie made me her sex slave for two weeks.  When it was over, I re-upped for another week.

Bonus Bonus: Will you watch the Super Bowl? Do you even care about the Super Bowl? American football at all? What’s your can’t live without sport?
We'll be watching.  More than likely we'll watch the game at Jill's parents' house, where it'll be a packed house, and much delicious food and drink will be consumed.  Of all the major sports I can think of, football is the one I follow the closest, although generally speaking I don't get invested in too many games that don't involve the 49ers - unless I'm watching to root against a team I particularly dislike. *cough* Raiders *cough*

Jill's Answers

1. What’s your favorite _____ that you’ll serve at the party (name one item for each):
a. choice of beer
I like Guinness, so that's what I'd probably serve to my guests.  I realize that it's not exactly a "football" beer, but I'm not buying Bud Light.  It's not allowed on my property.
b. choice of wine
The variety of wine that I drink most often lately is Pinot Noir, or possibly Syrah.  Although if Guinness isn't exactly a "football" beer, neither is wine a "football" beverage.  But that's what we have, so that's what I'd offer our guests.
c. choice of distilled spirit
Definitely vodka!  I like screwdrivers, vodka cranberry, vodka cran orange, and plenty of other cocktails made with vodka, so that's what I'd have available.
d. choice of mixed drink
I'd probably go with vodka cran orange, but if the game was at ten AM, we'd be drinking Ramos Fizzes.
e. choice of chip
Regular Lay's potato chips.
f. choice of dip
I love onion dip, but it has to be made with Lipton's onion soup mix, and not French onion dip.
g. choice of take-out food (pizza, burgers, Chinese food, wings, etc)
Wings.  There's something about eating greasy chicken wings that goes hand-in-hand with football.  Pizza is a close second, although I really associate pizza with Monday Night Football, as that's what we ate every Monday while watching the game when I was a kid.
h. choice of homemade food
There's a really good buffalo chicken dip that we make on Super Bowl Sunday.  In fact, we were introduced to this recipe several Super Bowls back.  We make it, and eat it, on other occasions, but it's perfect for the Super Bowl.
i. choice of salty food
Chips or pretzels.
j. choice of sweet food
Peanut M&Ms.  They're perfect for any occasion, and it's not a Super Bowl party without a few bowls for guests to enjoy.

2. What will you wear at the party?
My New England Patriots shirt and jeans.

3. You will be having your very own half time show at the football party. What is that half-time show? Briefly describe.
Naked Twister!  Actually, anything involving sex would be wonderful.  In 2009 I wrote a story about sexy half time fun during the Super Bowl.  I'm re-posting it here for your enjoyment.

I carried the bowl of chips into the living room and left it on the coffee table. I returned to the kitchen with two empties and switched them out for two ice cold beers. I popped the tops and brought them out to the guys. 

Back in the kitchen I began cooking the chicken wings. I kept an ear open for the game, listening as the guys became more rambunctious every time a touchdown was scored. During a commercial break, Jack called out for more salsa, and I refilled the empty bowl. They also asked for a couple more beers, and I gladly complied. But when that was done, I decided to change my clothes. If I was going to be their servant, I ought to look the part. In the bedroom I put on a low-cut black top, my shortest black skirt, a pair of fishnet stockings and high heels, and a white apron. Instant French maid. 

As I sauntered back into the living room, both guys immediately looked up at me. I was pleased to see that there was something that could turn their attention away from the game. I dropped myself into Jack’s lap and asked how the game was going. He pointed out that it was halftime – I should have known – and that since the halftime show wasn’t any good they needed some entertainment. Feeling especially daring, I began to bump and grind, slowly stripping off the apron, then the skirt and the top, leaving myself in just my bra, panties, stockings and heels.

I stepped out of the heels, got down on my hands and knees, and crawled over to the couch where Jack was sitting. He had an erection that was visible through his jeans, and I rubbed it, feeling him strain against me. Without looking up, I could feel both his and Jason's eyes on me as I opened Jack’s pants and freed his swelling, hard cock. Holding it in a firm grip I began to lavish kisses all over the head and shaft, moving my lips and tongue all over him. I stroked him vigorously and sucked him deeply into my mouth, then looked up at his face to enjoy his reactions.

As I continued to pleasure Jack, I was startled to feel a warm hand on my bare back. Jason's hand. He began to slowly and sensuously massage me, moving from my back to my ass, tracing my curves with confident movements. He moved down to my thighs, the heat from his hands further arousing me. I was tempted to turn around, to make eye contact and urge him onward, but there was no way I was going to stop doing what I was doing to Jack, or even pause. So I was glad when I felt his hand slip between my legs and envelop me through my panties, already damp with desire. His palm gently caressed me, sending an electrical charge through my body. I had waited for this moment for a very long time, and I was eager to experience it all.

As though he could read my mind, Jason pulled my panties aside and kissed me. His tongue was firm but not stiff, each lick sending a surge through me. He sucked on my juicy lips, then resumed licking, lapping up my wetness as his tongue invaded me, seeking those underappreciated parts of my pussy that were most in need of attention. I could feel my heart pounding with excitement as his fingers met his tongue. At first it was a gentle, reassuring touch. Soon, however, I was luxuriating in the sensations as his fingers slid in and out of me, his thumb buzzing my clitoris. I grew wetter and wetter, and I took Jack even deeper. Behind me, Jason was as intent on my orgasm as I was on Jack’s, and I was ready for both.

Jason stopped playing with me just long enough to pull down my panties, planting exquisite kisses on my cheeks and down my legs as he did. As I shook them off of my feet, I longed to feel his fingers and his mouth back on me where they belonged. As he massaged my thighs I took my mouth off of Jack’s cock and urged Jason to go back to doing what he was doing before. He didn’t need much urging, and he dove back onto me, his mouth and his fingers working together to achieve the desired result. 

I was very close, and I could tell that my husband was too.  I wasn't done with Jack by any means, and I slowed down even as Jason pushed me further, his tongue working overtime. He was probing so deeply inside me that it felt like he was trying to get lost between my lips.  I couldn’t take it anymore. Just one more lick was all it was going to take. That's when I felt the head of Jason's cock pressing against me from behind. 

I knew what he wanted.  I wanted it too.  I arched my back and all at once Jason was inside me, each strong thrust dangerously close to unlocking my orgasm at long last.  My pussy clenched around his steel-hard length, and as his hands gripped my hips he pushed into me with as much energy as he could muster.  Doing my best to concentrate on Jason's long, swift strokes against my G-spot, I continued to lick and suck the throbbing cock in front of me.  As I came, I took Jack deep into my throat.  My pussy gushed like a fountain, the sounds of my pleasure muffled as I undulated my hips against Jason's. 

As I rode continuing waves of ecstasy I felt Jack tensing up and heard him moan.  His cock throbbed in my mouth even as Jason's throbbed in my pussy.  I took my mouth off of Jack and he stood over me, stroking quickly.  At the same time, Jason cried out in ecstasy, his moans filling my ears along with my husband's.  I could feel his cum flood my insides even as I watched the throbbing head of Jack's cock erupt, a warm fountain of white sweetness raining down on me. 

As we caught our breath, Jack noticed that the game was starting again.  Just in time!

4. What team do you wish was playing in the Super Bowl?

The Niners.  They have been my all-time favorite team since I was old enough to watch and love football.  I remember having many incredibly fun Super Bowl parties in the 1980s, and I hope that we will be able to recapture that excitement next season!

5. The NY Giants and New England Patriots are in Super Bowl 2012, who do you want to win?  (ummm…yeah, I had to google that info…LOL)

Well, I didn't say I was going to wear a Giants T-shirt!  Beyond being unable to root for the team that defeated the Niners (unless the alternative is the Oakland Raiders), the Patriots are my second favorite team of all time.

Bonus: Have you ever made a football (or Super Bowl) bet that involved sex? Tell us about your own Super Bowl of Sex.

I've done it for regular season games.  I once dated a guy who liked the Denver Broncos.  When the Niners played the Broncos and won, I got oral for the first half of the following week's Broncos game.  Now that I think of it, he was probably just as much of a winner as I was, because I taste great.  I've never made such a bet on Super Bowl Sunday, but it sounds like it would be fun.  Too bad Jack and I are rooting for the same team this year.  Any Giants fans out there want to make a little wager?

Bonus Bonus: Will you watch the Super Bowl? Do you even care about the Super Bowl? American football at all? What’s your can’t live without sport?

I will definitely watch the Super Bowl!  Football is my one can't live without sport.  I always watch the Super Bowl even if I'm not a fan of either team.  I'm definitely more invested in the game if a team I like is playing, but if not, it's still a great excuse to get together with family and friends and play Naked Twister!

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Masturbation Monday

We're pretty sure that everyone who's following our new Monday photo feature assumed that this particular theme would happen eventually.  Who doesn't enjoy masturbating?  It's exciting, fun, and sexy, and it's something you can do all by yourself.  It's a great way to start your day, and the promise of an orgasm before work is the main thing motivating me to not hit snooze when my alarm goes off.  I usually take care of myself during my morning shower, but my favorite place to masturbate is on our bed.

You can't see it, but I'm using my Rabbit in this shot.  Nothing against my fingers - I love the way my pussy feels against them - but when you are pressed for time, the quicker the better!

-Jill

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme (a.k.a. The Total Fucking Ripoff Meme), Part 1

(Looking for our Sinful Sunday?  It can be found here.  It's hot.)

Frisky in the 916:  Where filthy sex and Pokemon collide

Today we ripped off a blogger named  Kyogres* from the blog Hero of the BlueFlames. It's long so we will do it in parts. It was stolen from Nerdish.But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Yes, because everyone uses iTunes.  Nice try.  However, for the sake of not being an argumentative prick, I'll play along.  The first six songs that come up when I put my all-purpose playlist on random mode are:

Marilyn Manson - If I Was Your Vampire

Michael Franti & Spearhead ft. Cherine Anderson - Say Hey (I Love You)

Janis Ian - Days Like These

Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray

Louis Prima - Oh Marie

Ella Fitzgerald ft. Duke Ellington - Take the A Train

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My instinct was to say that there are a lot of sexy blogging friends we've made, many of whom I would love to be able to board a plane and go visit, hopefully for the purpose of mind-blowing, no-strings-attached sex.  And this is completely true, but I'm going to mention Rachel Rey specifically, because the last time this question was asked, she mentioned me.  Although as I said before, there are a lot of bloggers I'd enjoy meeting, she's the only one that I'm guessing wouldn't file a restraining order if I came to visit.  Plus I promised to massage her gluteus maximus after her successful completion of a triathlon today.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"beyond the face of a wall."

4) What do you think about most?

Sex.  I'm a pretty thoughtful guy and think about lots of different things, from writing, to my family, to what I'd like to have for dinner tomorrow night.  But all of these things pale in comparison to sex, which is at the forefront of my mind at all times.  In fact, at some level I'm convinced that sex is a motivator for most of what I do and therefore most of what I think about.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"No problem...what did u do?"

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Usually I sleep without clothes on, especially if it's warm but sometimes when it's not.  If it's really cold, I might wear anything from boxers to sweatpants, but I almost never wear a shirt to bed.  I'm not crazy about the constrictiveness of clothing when I'm awake, much less when I'm asleep.  I enjoy the feel of cool - or warm, depending on the weather - sheets against my body, and I assume that when the baby is old enough to enter our room and get into bed with us on her own, I will no longer be able to sleep naked, so I'm taking advantage while I can.

7) What's your strangest talent?

The last time this question came up in Sunday Stealing, I claimed the ability to play the oboe with my asshole.  This was obviously a joke; it's actually the bagpipes that I play rectally.

8) Women.... (finish the sentence); Men.... (finish the sentence)

...are the gender I like to fuck; ...are cool, but I'm not into fucking them.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

No, although the fact that I sometimes exchange micropoetry with Rachel Rey means that poetry has been written to me (just not exactly about me).

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I've never played the air guitar.  I hope that this bit of Jack trivia improves your opinion of me rather than tarnishes it.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I don't think any of my phobias are strange.  One of my biggest fears involves being chased through an Office Depot store by a sixteen-foot-tall stapler while an army of anthropomorphic Liquid Paper bottles taunt me with flaming Sharpies.  But that one is pretty common.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Do fingers count?  Probably not, since they're part of my body and thus not foreign.  I'm pretty sure I've used an nasal aspirator.  Let's go with that.

13) What's your religion?

I don't have one.  I was raised Catholic, though I don't really practice, and in fact don't require any sort of -ism to get me through life.  I suppose that if atheism and antitheism were religions, I'd select one or both of them.  Fortunately, they're not.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Taking a walk with my daughter.  Playing with her at the park.  Scoping out single or stay-at-home Moms who are also out with their own kids.  Flirting innocently with same as we push our children on the swings.  Tweeting while I should be paying attention to my kid on the slide.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I prefer to be behind it, as I think Jill is a much nicer piece of eye candy than I am.  However, whenever we've posted a picture of me I am flattered by positive comments from women who are probably overwhelmed with desire and arousal 

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Red Hot Chili Peppers, just like the last time you asked.

17) What was the last lie you told?

I have no idea.  I do my best to tell the truth whenever possible, to the extent that I can't always think of a recent lie I've told.  I'm guessing that it had something to do with Jill's family, i.e. telling them that we had a prior obligation to get us out of a family function.

18) Do you believe in karma?

Not really.  While believing in karma is comforting after some asshole cuts you off on the freeway, or gets away with murder, I don't believe that there is any real order to the universe.  It seems like the worst people get treated the best, and the decent people struggle to get ahead and usually fail.  Then again, perhaps that is the order to the universe.

19) What does your URL mean?

"Frisky" refers to the state of being in the mood for sex, which Jill and I frequently are; "916" refers to the area code where Jill and I lived when we began blogging; "cpl" is short for "couple".

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I'm a sucker for a beautiful woman.  Scratch that.  I'm going with bullets.  Like Lola did to Clapton, a beautiful woman can have me on my knees in seconds, but I usually get up again.  A hail of bullets, though, will kill me dead in seconds.  I'm afraid I'm not Superman.  As for my greatest strength, I would say that I am an emotionally-faithful husband, loyal friend, and loving father.  I would say that, but the urge to go with my sexual prowess instead is far too great.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

I'm so out of touch that while I can name celebrities my ability to put a name to a face isn't what it once was, and now that I mention it I don't usually crush over celebrities.  It's just not my way.  In the past I admired plenty of female celebrities, and sure I'd probably bang any of the current crop of Hollywood starlets given the chance.  But that's not the same as a crush; I'm more likely to have a crush on someone I know personally as the public image of a celebrity isn't quite enough to get me to "crush" mode.  You know what?  I'm going to pick Mary Tyler Moore, if only because shes "trending now" on Yahoo!, and I'd like nothing more than to finish this question so I can move on to the next one.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yes, quite often.  My parents have a swimming pool, and on occasion when the weather allows, Jill and I will sneak into the yard after they're asleep and take a dip au naturel.  Additionally, when camping with Jill's family, we invariably find ourselves naked and treading water in some murky lake.  Despite the muck and the small biting fish, it's a lot of fun.

23) How do you vent your anger?

I tend to be pretty happy, generally.  While there are things that make me angry I do my best to keep my emotions in check, not because I think that we should hide our feelings but because my daughter is going to wonder what the hell is wrong with me if I flip out.  I find that writing helps to express my negative emotions, and of course an orgasm helps as well.  If I had the time, I'd probably play video games, as committing horrific acts of violence against something that cannot feel pain is a healthy, harmless outlet for one's anger.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

Books.  I can't get enough of phyical reading material (as opposed to electronic media).  There are ten bookcases in our current abode, each of them full-to-bursting with all manner of books (mostly non-fiction).  Three entire bookcases are filled with books on film study and analysis.  It's a passion of mine.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

As I'm not crazy about talking on the phone - in fact, I send a hell of a lot more texts than I make phone calls - I'd much rather video chat, but only when there's the possibility of nudity.  In other words, if I'm talking to, say, my parents, I'd prefer to do so on the phone.

Jill's Answers

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Dean Martin - Return to Me (Ritorna Me)

April March - Chick Habit

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tearjerker

Todd Rundgren - Can We Still Be Friends

Led Zeppelin - Hey Hey What Can I Do

Dropkick Murphys - Oi Oi Oi

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Definitely one (or hopefully more) of the many friends we've made through blogging and on Twitter.  I couldn't possibly pick just one!

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"For example, if You had asked me back in my Chris-"

4) What do you think about most?

Sex, money, our baby.  And Jack, of course.  There's really no particular hierarchy here.  These are simply the four things that I think of most, in no particular order.  I guess I think about work an awful lot as well.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"We're meeting here at 5 to have drinks."

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

I don't sleep with clothes on.  If my in-laws are staying over, I keep clothes nearby so that I can put them on quickly in case the baby starts crying and I have to go check on her in her room.

7) What's your strangest talent?

I can roll my tongue, and flip it over sideways.  It's a fun trick, and Jack loves it when I do it when I'm giving him a blowjob.

8) Women.... (finish the sentence); Men.... (finish the sentence)

...are hot; ...are sexy

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Jack writes me a sonnet every year on my birthday.  He also came up with, and sometimes sings to me, a song about my pussy sung to the tune of the "My Bologna Has a First Name" song from the old Oscar Meyer TV commercials.  [Editor's note: We answered these questions in a restaurant.  While trying to determine the tune to which her pussy song is sung, Jill sang the first line - which does in fact contain the word "pussy" - a bit loudly for polite company.]

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I don't play air guitar.  I might play air drums once in awhile, but I have to be really drunk.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

Most of my phobias are fairly common.  I'm afraid of snakes, for example.  No less a personality than Indiana Jones was also afraid of snakes, so I don't think that's all that strange.  However, when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I refuse to look in the mirror when I'm washing my hands.  This is because I never turn the bathroom light on when I'm half asleep, and I'm afraid of the shadows playing tricks on me.  I don't want to see the reflection of a street light in the mirror and think it's Bloody Mary or something.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

No, but I've had a foreign object up my ass.

13) What's your religion?

I was raised Catholic and still consider myself Catholic.  However, I am very proud of my ability to take what suits me from the teachings of the Catholic Church, notably the Golden Rule, while ignoring or condemning outright the bigotry, the church's stance on sexuality and reproductive issues, and its apparent condonation of child sexual abuse.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

I'm probably taking a walk, or if I'm on the balcony, having sex.  Since moving to our new place, we no longer have a backyard, and we don't even have to leave the building to dump the garbage.  If I'm at work, though, I'm probably supervising students at recess.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I prefer to be in front of it.  I love it when Jack takes pictures of me.  He makes me feel very comfortable, confident, and sexy.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

The Beach Boys.  

17) What was the last lie you told?

I said I had a doctor's appointment in order to get out of work.  We aren't allowed to take personal days.

18) Do you believe in karma?

Yes.  I feel like if you do something bad, something is going to - or at least should - bite you in the ass.  If you do something good, you should be rewarded.  I guess it really doesn't work out that way most of the time.  My own sense of right and wrong and the belief that you should treat others how you want to be treated, more than karma, makes me a caring, decent person.

19) What does your URL mean?

What, like the URL of our blog?  It means "Frisky 916 [our former area code] couple."

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is probably that I put everyone ahead of me.  Maybe it comes from being the second-eldest of a very large family, but I find that I am used to taking on a lot of responsibility, and sometimes "me" time suffers because of it.  I am trying to change this.  My greatest strength is my conscientiousness.  I have a standard for every task I undertake and I am very serious about accomplishing it to that standard.  I would also like to think that I am a very good mother.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

Mark Ruffalo.  He has the same dark features and intensity that I used to find so hot in Jason Patric.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yes. I love being naked in the water.  The excitement of the cool water on my bare skin is amplified by the thrill that comes with the risk of being caught.

23) How do you vent your anger?

If I'm alone in the car, I sometimes scream or vocalize my feelings.  Other times, I cry.  Here's my answer from the last time this question came up:

I scream.  I cry.  I punch people in the eye.  Actually, I don't punch anybody.  I just wanted to rhyme.  And I only scream if I'm alone in the car and there's no chance of anyone knocking on the window and asking what my problem is.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

I have a bunch of Tinkerbell stuff that Jack has gotten me.  I've always liked the character.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I prefer video chatting online, although I don't do it nearly as often as talking on the phone.  When I'm in the car on my way home from work, I sometimes call Jack, as it makes my drive go faster.  Usually our conversation turns into a detailed plan of what we'd like to do to each other when I get home, and needless to say it would be a lot hotter if I was able to see him while we were talking about this.

*Kyogres stole virtually all of these questions from previous Sunday Stealing installments.

Sinful Sunday: In the Kitchen

Take my hand and come into the kitchen with me.  Quickly, before the baby notices we're gone.  Close the door.  Now stand right here.  Oh!  You're already nice and hard.  I've been hungry for you all day, and I don't want to wait a second longer.

(Click!)

Formspring Friday: Quick Hookups

This week's question brought back fond memories of our carefree single days.


What's the fastest you've gone from meeting someone to sleeping with them?

Jack's Answer

The fastest I've ever gone was probably a couple hours.  I had a few one-night stands in my single days, and most of these were bar pickups.  However, when I was in my early twenties I attended a house party held by a friend's cousin.  I hit it off well with one of the host's co-workers and we spent awhile chatting.  Then she gave me head in a spare bedroom.

Although head qualifies as sex in my book, it's probably not the same as sleeping with someone, which is what the question specifically asked.  Therefore I'll talk about the first time I picked somebody up in a bar.  I was twenty-one, newly-dumped by someone I really cared about, and feeling somewhat disillusioned.  Also being newly-legal, I'd been regularly visiting bars with friends on the weekends.  I was still living with my parents, and one Tuesday or Thursday night, after a night class, I decided to go to a bar as we had out-of-town family visiting and I didn't particularly want to see them or socialize with them.

The woman I hooked up with had to have been in her thirties.  She seemed older, mature, even distinguished, but she was probably younger than I am currently.  We sat beside each other at the bar, our legs casually brushing against one another without any conscious effort by either of us.  We made small talk for awhile, about typical topics most of which are long forgotten, but I distinctly remember her telling me that she was trying to get custody of her son, or at least visitation rights.  It wasn't until I bought her a drink that she told me her name.

After another round, she asked if I wanted to get out of there.  I said yes, and she basically asked me my place or hers, although she didn't use those exact words.  Hesitant to tell her that I still lived with my parents, I mumbled something half-hearted about having out of town company - which was, of course, 100% true - and asked if we could go to her place.  We did.  If I had to guess, I'd say that the sex began about an hour and a half after she gave me her name, which for the purposes of answering this question would be when I met her, technically.

She wasn't the best sex I had ever had at that point in my life; likely that distinction goes to a girl I dated casually during my first year of college.  But my one-night stand wasn't a dead fish by any means; the sex was fun and exciting, and it certainly beat the hell out of going home and masturbating.

Jill's Answer

Three hours.  When I was around twenty-seven, I went to a club with some friends.  We arrived by eight, were drunk by nine, and shortly thereafter met some guys.  We hung out and danced for awhile, and I had a good time getting to know one of the guys.  Eventually my friends got ready to leave, but I wasn't ready and he offered to give me a ride home.

Once we were in his car, he asked where I wanted him to take me.  I told him that it was still early, and why didn't he take me to his place.  (I was enjoying his company, but I really didn't want him to know where I lived.)  He was visiting from out of town, and staying with friends or relatives.  When we got back to his place, we started making out on the couch, and before long we were tearing each other's clothes off and vigorously going at it right there in the living room.  At one point I'm pretty sure someone came out to get a glass of water or something while we were having sex.

We fell asleep on the couch, under a blanket.  I woke up sometime later and walked home.  It turns out that his place was just a few blocks from where I was living at the time.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!

The Naughty Hangout: Blue Moon

This week, the main theme for The Naughty Hangout was "Isolation".  We had a couple really good ideas for this theme, but circumstances conspired to prevent us from getting the shots we wanted.  Ultimately, we turned to one of the alternate themes, "Blues".  We're pretty sure that this theme refers to the state of being sad, i.e. having the blues; or perhaps the musical genre.  We chose instead to focus on the color blue, which I am demonstrating in a blue top and blue thong.  In our photo, "Blues" refers to the two different hues I'm wearing.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Retro HNT: Hanging Out

"Hanging Out", posted February 25, 2010

In 2010, we posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT.  We're posting them on our blog, one per week.  They can be found here, along with background information, and all the comments they received.

TMI Tuesday: January 24, 2012 - Decisions

I am a Graham Norton fan. He has a newish show called “Would You Rather” that airs on BBC America (you know the Top Gear-Gordon Ramsay channel…ugh!!). I grabbed these fun questions from WYR.

Jack's Answers

1. Would you rather wear the same pair of unwashed socks for 2 years or wear the same pair of unwashed underwear for 1 year? Explain.

I'd go with the socks, mainly because while the thought of my feet in the same nasty socks every day for two years is distasteful,  I wouldn't have to wash my feet for half an hour prior to engaging in sex (though I probably should).  If I was going to wear a dirty pair of underwear every day, I imagine it would cut down on the spontaneity.  Actually, it doesn't say every day; presumably I'd just be wearing them on the days wherein I wear socks.  In theory I wouldn't have to wear the unwashed pair of socks if I was going to wear, say, flip flops.

2. Would you rather eat a baby or be eaten by a giant baby? Explain.

I'm going to go with "eaten by a giant baby", because I ate a baby once, and I see no reason not to choose the new experience.*

3. Would you rather steal money from your Grandfather in the past or steal money from a Grandchild in the future? Why?

I'll go with stealing money from my paternal Grandfather, who never liked me.  Plus, as he died more than fifteen years ago, I would have find a way to journey back to the past in order to accomplish this, and presumably when I was finished I could zip back to the present-day and never get caught.

4. Would you rather be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats or put a large jar full of bees (opened) in your pants?

I'd prefer to be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats.  The only practical reason to put an open jar of bees in my pants is for the swelling, and my cock swells just fine without the aid of a bunch of pissed-off stinging insects.

5. Would you rather be a person with a head that is noticeably big for your body or have a head that is disproportionately small compared to the rest of your body?

I'll probably go with the smaller head.  When I say that I want a lot of head, that doesn't mean that I want a physically large one.

Bonus (not from WYR): Would you rather have sex, with your significant other, in a sex club with all eyes and a spotlight on you OR would you rather get gang-banged & groped in darkness by a bunch of strangers.

I've had sex in a sex club with all eyes on us (albeit no spotlight), and it was a lot of fun.  I'm not sure I would enjoy being gang-banged, so if I had to choose I'd gladly repeat the sex club experience.

Jill's Answers

1. Would you rather wear the same pair of unwashed socks for 2 years or wear the same pair of unwashed underwear for 1 year? Explain.

I would go with wearing unwashed socks for two years.  I wouldn't want to scare off potential sexual partners with dirty underwear.  But I would be much happier going commando and barefoot.

2. Would you rather eat a baby or be eaten by a giant baby? Explain.

I can't imagine eating any baby, even an ugly one (or maybe especially an ugly one).  Being eaten by a giant baby sounds better.  Plus, if the baby is that big, he or she may just swallow me whole.  That couldn't hurt that much, could it?

3. Would you rather steal money from your Grandfather in the past or steal money from a Grandchild in the future? Why?

I don't think I could steal from my grandchild.  I love my baby with all my heart, and I imagine that I will love my grandchild just as much.  Therefore I don't think I could bear to hurt him or her.  Sorry, Grandpa, but I would have to steal from you.  Of course, my Grandpa was so loving that I'm sure he would forgive me.

4. Would you rather be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats or put a large jar full of bees (opened) in your pants?

Definitely vampire bats, because I'd much rather be bitten than stung!

5. Would you rather be a person with a head that is noticeably big for your body or have a head that is disproportionately small compared to the rest of your body?

I think a smaller head is much creepier than a larger one.  Plus, aren't those urban vinyl figures and bobbleheads popular?  Having a larger head might revitalize my social standing!

Bonus (not from WYR): Would you rather have sex, with your significant other, in a sex club with all eyes and a spotlight on you OR would you rather get gang-banged & groped in darkness by a bunch of strangers.

I actually have had sex at a sex club with others watching and masturbating, and I loved how exciting that was, so let's do it again with a spotlight this time!  I like this better than the other choice, because it doesn't specify whether the strangers are hot men or scary, unwashed drug addicts.  I'm not taking any chances.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

*Edit: I have not actually eaten a baby.  I've eaten baby carrots, though.  They're pretty good. - Jack

Moved-In Monday

It's taken us a week, but for all intents and purposes we are moved out of our old place and into our new one.  It was a difficult move, but we're glad to be done and we look forward to getting all of our things unpacked and put in place.  The sooner we do that, the sooner we can resume our normal blogging/tweeting schedules.  While bringing in some boxes from the moving truck last night, Jill and I noticed that we were alone in the parking garage, and she took advantage.

Before you unfollow us in disgust, I should point out that I normally wear my pants at a respectable height.

-Jack

Sinful Sunday: Mirror Mirror

Hey, you.  You're really fucking sexy with those pretty brown curls.  Plus your tits look hot in that top you're barely wearing.  You want to come back to my place?  My husband's got a nice thick cock and a tongue that doesn't quit.  You can sit on his face while I ride him, and then we can switch.  When we're both satisfied, we can suck his cock.  If you do a good job I'll even let you have some cum.

(Click!)

Sunday Stealing: The Neverending Meme, Ends

Today we ripped off a blogger named Tense Teacher of the blog Tense for a Reason. (Yes we know that we've ripped her off not so long ago as well. It's pretty amazing since she stopped posting in 2007. But that's where we live as a thief). Also, it's long so we'll do it in parts. She does not say where she got it from. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player's posts. It's a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack's Answers

36. Have you watched American Horror Story? 
No.  Someday, possibly when my daughter is in college or gets a job, I will get around to watching it.

37. Baseball hat or toque? 
Baseball hat.  I have a pretty large collection of baseball caps, but I rarely wear them.  Even though I'm a jeans (or shorts) and T-shirt kind of guy, when I wear headgear I prefer to wear what is known as a newsboy cap, as it versatile and looks good with casual clothing and semi-formal wear (or maybe it's me).

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower?

Depends on my mood.  No two of my showers are exactly the same.  

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? 

I usually wet the toothbrush after applying the toothpaste.  

40. Pen or pencil?

I prefer to write in ink, as I find that over time pencil marks fade.  I have an appreciation for cheap, disposable Bic-type pens, and try to have a few on hand for taking notes, jotting down writing ideas, or doodling.  I tend to keep pencils around for sketching or drawing plans, though if I can't find any pens I will write with a pencil.  Since our move, however, most of our writing implements have been packed, and I have found myself scrambling to find something when I need to take down a phone number or write a quick note.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?

Of course.  Growing up, my family was fond of taking weekend trips to Tahoe and Reno, and I generally didn't have much fun until I was of legal age to gamble.  I've won a few jackpots, though nothing too significant.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? 

No.  I've had sex on a plane though.

43. Have you thrown up in a car? 

Probably, though I don't remember any specific occurrences.  I was always more likely to get queasy, usually because I was reading, and have the feeling pass without incident.

44. Have you thrown up at work? 

No.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters? 

Yeah.  I generally don't hold my arms up though, which Jill always does.  My finely-honed survival instinct dictates that I hold on for dear life the whole time - even though I know there is little chance of being thrown from the ride.

46. How many shoes do you have? 

Let's see:  Two pairs of general-purpose tennis shoes, one pair of running shoes, two pairs of Chuck Taylors, two pairs of flip-flops, one pair of bedroom slippers, two pairs of dress shoes in black, one pair of dress shoes in brown, one pair of black steel-toed boots, one pair of brown work boots.  Thirteen pairs, twenty-six shoes.

47. Who was your first roommate? 

My first roommate was a long-time friend who would eventually be best man at my wedding.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? 

When I was around eleven I shared a couple wine coolers with my cousin while his parents weren't home.  I remember feeling pretty sleepy and falling asleep on his couch.  The first honest-to-goodness bender I went on was with beer.

49. What was your first job? 

As I was planning on getting my teaching credential, I worked in a preschool, and tutored children in their homes and at schools and libraries, all pretty much simultaneously.

50. What was your first car? 

A 1970 Dodge Dart.

51. When did you go to your first funeral? 

I remember attending the funeral of a family friend when I was around fourteen.  Before age fourteen, my parents didn't feel the need to drag me to every funeral and memorial service; presumably they left me with a babysitter or something.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 

I've lived in the same general area most of my life.  The first time I moved out of the area, I was twenty-four.  I returned home a couple years later.

53. Who was your first grade teacher? 

Miss Blake.  She was pretty horrible, though to be frank my kindergarten teacher was worse.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? 

Disneyland?  I'm going to say Disneyland.  That sounds about right.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? 

Honestly, I don't think I ever snuck out of the house.  Generally speaking, my parents gave me a decent-sized lead, without being too permissive.  Since I usually exercised good judgment - as far as they knew, anyway - I was allowed to go out when I wanted to.  And if there was something I knew they wouldn't want me doing, like going to a certain party, well, that was the night I told them I was going to a movie with a friend, and then staying over his house.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? 

My first best friend was a kid I met on the first day of kindergarten.  We had a lot in common and spent much of our elementary school years hanging out together, and playing at each other's houses.  Though we remained friends throughout junior high and high school, we didn't stay quite as close, likely owing to the fact that he was extremely studious and I was far less so.  We're not still in touch; I assume he is a successful engineer or scientist, while I am a stay-at-home sex blogger.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house? 

I lived in a pretty nice two-bedroom apartment.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? 

I generally don't have the kind of bad day that requires an emotional decompression-via-telephone-call.  If I need to bitch about something, such as the baby refusing to nap and thereby preventing me from perving to a friend's webcam, I text Jill.

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? 

I've been a groomsman quite often, but the first wedding in which I participated was my cousin's when I was around twenty-two.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? 

Since it is rare for me to wake before the baby does, I generally tend to her first:  I get her dressed and feed her breakfast, and if you know how fastidious I am about personal hygiene, you know how much it pains me that I have to do any of these things before I take a shower.

61. What was the first concert you attended? 

I took the girl I was dating - the one I cheated on, as detailed here - to a concert in 1991.  It was a female R&B singer, and I am actually not surprised that I have no idea who.

62. First tattoo or piercing? 

I've got neither of either.

63. First celebrity crush? 

Possibly Julia Roberts?  I had a huge crush on her when I was around fourteen or fifteen, mainly because she had yet to get naked on camera.  I can't imagine that she was my first celebrity crush, but she's the person I immediately think of when someone says "celebrity crush."

Jill's Answers

36. Have you watched American Horror Story? 

No.  I'd love to have enough time to sit and watch it every week, along with Weeds, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Homeland, White Collar, and every other show that all of my friends say that I need to watch.

37. Baseball hat or toque? 

Baseball hat.  I don't usually wear them, but I can pull off a baseball hat a lot better than I can a toque.

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower? 

I always shampoo first.  I like to let the creme rinse sit in my hair while I wash the rest of my body.  

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? 

I put the toothpaste on the toothbrush and then I wet it.  I don't like the feeling of dry toothpaste in my mouth.

40. Pen or pencil?

Pencil, unless it's a gel pen or Hi-Liter.  I don't like writing with ball-point pens.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?

Hell yeah!  I do pretty well, too.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? 

No.

43. Have you thrown up in a car? 

Yes.  I used to get car-sick a lot when I was little.  I also threw up in a car once when I had gallstones, and occasionally when drunk.  I might have done it when I was pregnant too.

44. Have you thrown up at work? 

When I was pregnant I did.  I think I did it once when I had the flu as well.  I hope all this throwing up isn't a turn-off.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters? 

Yeah, but out of excitement, never out of fear.  I also hold my hands up the whole time.

46. How many shoes do you have? 

At least forty, although now that we're moved into our new place I plan on weeding some out.

47. Who was your first roommate? 

My brother was my first roommate.  Until I was four years old (and he was five), we had bunk beds in the same room.  If this doesn't count, I will go with a girl in college whose name I'd rather not give.  She was from Southern California, and we were great friends.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? 

I'm pretty sure it was beer.  We were in high school, so you drank whatever you could get your hands on.  But my parents were known for always having lots of alcohol on hand, so it could very well have been hard liquor.

49. What was your first job?

I babysat from the age of ten, for my younger siblings and neighborhood kids.  My first payroll job was at a hot dog place at a local mall.  But not the one where the girls wear multi-colored short shorts and funky hats and make lemonade with those weird pumps that look like pogo sticks.

50. What was your first car? 

A white 1980 Toyota Corolla.  It was a stick shift.  Even though it was mine, I had to share it with my brother until he went away to college.

51. When did you go to your first funeral? 

I was probably four or five, at the oldest.  The first one I remember was about age four.  It was my great-uncle.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 

I moved away from my hometown for the first time at age seventeen, when I started college.

53. Who was your first grade teacher? 

Mrs. Murasco.  Spelling is approximate.  She was also my favorite teacher.  She used to let us clean the floor after school, and she'd give us pretzel sticks.  If we got ten pretzel sticks, we could trade them for a hard candy.  Or maybe a Hershey's Kiss or a Tootsie Roll or something.  You know, maybe it was a reading group where this happened.  I'm not sure what we got for picking up trash off the floor in Mrs. Murasco's class.  Maybe it was punishment for something.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? 

I think we went to Oregon to visit my aunt and uncle.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? 

I probably snuck out to go to a party with my girlfriends.  That was the best thing about having a ground-floor bedroom: The window opened silently and I could climb right out.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? 

My first best friend is the person we have referred to on this blog as P.  We have known each other since the first grade, and although I don't consider her my best friend we are still pretty close and see each other often.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house? 

I lived in Zapotec Residence Hall at San Diego State University.  

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? 

I normally call Jack.  Sometimes if I can't call, I text him, and he texts me back.  Before long we're exchanging really filthy texts describing in great detail what we'd like to do to each other.  That always brightens my day!

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? 

My best friend.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? 

I'd like to say that I take a shower first, but realitically the first thing I do is probably go to the bathroom.

61. What was the first concert you attended? I believe it was Sha Na Na at the Circle Star Theater in San Carlos, California.  

62. First tattoo or piercing? 

For my seventh birthday, my grandmother took me to J.C. Penney's to get my ears pierced.  I remember they had a woman there who was or used to be a nurse, and she used to do the piercing.  When I turned nineteen, my grandma took me to get my clit hood pierced.*

63. First celebrity crush? 

Michael J. Fox or Kirk Cameron.  Actually Scott Baio might have been the first, although he didn't have the longevity of the other two.

*This last part may be creative license on the part of the editor, i.e. Jack

Hey Newt: Call it What it is

Our Formspring Friday post this week dealt with the issue of infidelity.  In it, we mentioned that we have "unorthodox" views of monogamy.  Although Jill and I are both commited to each other emotionally, and for the most part physically as well, we would consider ourselves "monogamish", to use a phrase coined by advice columnist and personal hero Dan Savage.

We acknowledge that physical monogamy is a difficult thing to maintain for life.  We don't necessarily believe that human beings are wired for such a lifelong commitment.  We believe that if less of a premium was placed on physical monogamy in relationships, there would be less divorce, less unhappiness, and what the hell, probably less war and aggression in general.

This brings me to the topic of Newt Gingrich, former House Speaker and current Republican presidential candidate stumbling toward the White House on a platform of - what else - family values (i.e. traditional marriage).  While perusing EdenFantasys this morning, I stopped by SexIs and found an article pertaining to Gingrich and the recent allegations by his second wife Marianne that he requested an open marriage when she caught him having an affair with another woman.

It's no secret that Gingrich has been a bigger threat to his own marriages than gay marriage could ever be.  By all accounts - other than those of Gingrich himself - he divorced his first wife while she was was in the hospital for the removal of a tumor, then married the woman with whom he'd been conducting an affair.  Not quite twenty years later, the process repeated itself, this time with a different illness, and a different mistress.  If the pattern repeats itself, and I imagine it will, Gingrich has already started an affair with the woman for whom he'll leave his third wife.

I note with some amusement that, while Gingrich was calling for the impeachment of Bill Clinton for lying under oath about his involvement with Monica Lewinsky, he himself was having an affair with a younger woman who wasn't his wife (yet).  I understand the rationalization that allows Gingrich to believe that he is a better man than Clinton, that his offense was less severe simply because he hadn't been giving sworn testimony under oath.  But Gingrich considers himself a man of God, and has admitted not only to his extramarital affairs, but in having them, failing to live up to God's standards.*  If God exists, the thought that He would excuse Newt for not only lying to and cheating on his wife but also treating her with the care that one reserves for a Tonka truck because he wasn't under oath only solidifies my lack of faith.

During Thursday night's G.O.P. debate, Gingrich lashed out at moderator John King for daring to open with a question about Gingrich's alleged request for an open relationship.  The audience cheered Gingrich's cagey response, even though as the article notes, the point of a debate is to answer sometimes difficult questions.  Yes, there are many other issues to discuss during a presidential debate, but this is news, and it deserved to be addressed.  Whether or not Gingrich's former wife is telling the truth - and based on what we know of him such a request is not beyond the realm of possibility -  it could be said that Gingrich has invited such allegations by his past behavior.  

His righteous indignation may have fooled those in the audience, but not me.  I am of the opinion that when you have comported yourself in the manner that Gingrich has in his personal life while simultaneously besmirching the names of others who have done the same and then bewilderingly promoting yourself as a champion of family values, you don't get to act like a victim.

It takes much to offend me, but I can admit to taking some offense at Gingrich's proposal of an open marriage, and in particular, the circumstances in which it occurred.  He didn't suggest that Marianne allow him to have sex with other women, and upon her refusal, carry on an affair anyway.  This would have been bad enough.  No, Gingrich asked for an open relationship when his wife discovered the affair - which had been ongoing for six years!  I'll give the man credit for having balls.

But even had the arrangement been agreed to, an open marriage isn't something you ask for as a means of justifying six years of deceit.  And it's certainly not an ultimatum you hang over the head of a partner, with divorce on the opposite side of the coin.  As someone who would engage in an open marriage given the right set of circumstances, I don't appreciate Gingrich co-opting the term.  Call it what it is, Newt: A vehicle to deliver you from a marriage you were no longer interested in sustaining.

*Apologies for the Fox News link.  I hope it doesn't crash your browser.

-Jack

This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys.

Formspring Friday: Infidelity

While we have quite a stockpile of questions to answer on Formspring, this one really jumped out at us.  We have views of monogamy that some would consider unorthodox.  At the same time, we are completely committed to one another emotionally.  While cheating isn't really our style, neither of us would ever judge someone for cheating.  Most people's relationships are none of our business.

We considered opening this post with a picture of Newt Gingrich, but decided not to go the political route despite the fact that Newt seems to be the epitome of the hypocritical cheating scumbag politician.  Oh, fuck it; here he is:

Believes gay marriage is a threat to marriage itself, yet doesn't see the irony in being a serial cheater.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?

Jack's Answer

Yes, once.  At age sixteen, I was in my first long-term relationship.  Newly-relieved of my virginity, I was suddenly imbued with a newfound confidence.  The summer after my junior year of high school, I found myself in Southern California for a few days, as one of my parents was attending a work-related seminar.  Without much to do during the day, I met and befriended a girl whose parent was attending the same seminar.  She was my own age or very close, her name lost to time.  (This was nearly twenty years ago.)

She and I spent the first day hanging around the hotel, swimming in the pool and watching TV in her room.  On the second day, we had sex.  Unlike my girlfriend, who was sweet and very attractive but not quite as sexually imaginative as I would have liked, this girl was open-minded and experienced.  She was the first person I ever did doggy style with.  She's the first person who ever rode me in the reverse cowgirl position.  And for that matter she was the first person who ever gave me oral sex.  My girlfriend wasn't into any of these things.

Over the next three days, we had sex numerous times, in countless positions.  We showered together.  She asked to be spanked.  She said that she enjoyed having her ass fingered.  I didn't indulge her on that one, as she never requested it of me, just mentioned that she was into it, and being sixteen I was too stupid to take the hint.  Beyond that, we talked about our lives, discussed our favorite movies, as well as the music we liked.  We went out to lunch.  It was nice.  I never felt anything beyond physical attraction to her, but I acknowledged that she was someone I could have considered a friend, and if we lived closer - and for that matter if I wasn't in a relationship already - perhaps something deeper might have blossomed.  But when I left L.A. after the seminar there was no exchange of phone numbers, no promises to keep in touch.  I don't even think there was a good-bye.

I had enjoyed the tryst; it was sexually gratifying and it left me with the sort of ego boost a geeky, sometimes awkward sixteen-year-old often needs.  But I knew that what I had done amounted to a flagrant violation of the trust that my girlfriend had in me.  Rather than unburdening myself to her, I kept silent.  I'd used condoms with the other girl, and the sex had been meaningless, so I reasoned that there was no point in upsetting her.  I found that this justified my not telling her.  In reality, however, I felt remendously guilty over my transgression.  

My girlfriend attended a different high school than I did, and our relationship was such that we didn't see each other every day, or even talk on the phone every night.  It was 1993; cell phones weren't the sort of thing that teenagers commonly possessed, and text messaging was about a decade away from being a familiar concept to most people.  I'd just gotten my first pager, but my girlfriend didn't page me much as she didn't want her parents to know that I had it, ostensibly because because pagers were associated with drug dealers at the time.

In time, my guilt gave way to paranoia that she would somehow find out, but she never did.  Ironically, I indignantly broke up with her around a year later, after she admitted to having cheated on me.  This probably wasn't my finest hour.

Jill's Answer

I had been dating a guy for a few months.  He was extremely self-centered, and the kind of person whose only compliments were backhanded.  I didn't like him all that much, actually, but his friend was dating my friend, and his and my relationship sprung up out of convenience.  I guess he was pretty good in bed.

We'd gone to his friend's house to hang out and drink.  It was him and I, the friend whose place it was, and a few others.  My boyfriend spent the whole night ignoring me while he socialized with everyone else.  His friend, on the other hand, was showing me plenty of attention.  We began to flirt back and forth, aided and abetted by lots of alcohol.  Eventually we ran out, and my boyfriend offered to walk to a nearby liquor store to get some more.  While he was gone, the flirtation continued.  

My boyfriend returned from the liquor store with a couple bottles of Jack Daniels, which he knew I didn't like.  (I still don't.  I would much rather drink vodka than whisky.)  I decided to have some anyway, if only to spite him.  When my boyfriend pointed out that I don't drink Jack Daniels, I said, "Tonight I do," and spent the next couple hours drinking Jack and Coke.

The bathroom had two doors, one leading to the hallway and the other leading to the bedroom.  I had gone to use the bathroom, and when I was finished my boyfriend's friend came in from his bedroom.  He pretended that he didn't realize I was in there, but quickly shut the door behind him.  He came over and kissed me, and I kissed him back.  I got very wet, not only because the friend excited me, but because I felt like I was getting back at my asshole boyfriend.  In seconds we were making out, and although I wanted things to go further right there in the bathroom, he eventually snuck back out through his bedroom.  My boyfriend had no idea.

We flirted back and forth for the rest of the evening.  As we were leaving his house, I gave him a hug good-bye.  He used this opportunity to whisper that I should come back later, and as soon as I dropped my boyfriend off at home I returned.  We had sex all night, and the friend was even better than my boyfriend was.  Not only that, but he appreciated me in ways my boyfriend never did.  He did things to my body that my boyfriend never could.  When the sun came up, I was a sweaty, quivering mess on the floor of his bedroom, satisfied in every possible way.  But so was he.

Eventually someone told my boyfriend that the other guy and I had been in the bathroom together the night of the party.  By then, of course, he and I had hooked up a few times.  My boyfriend said that he thought we should see other people.  I told him that I already was.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!

The Naughty Hangout: Move-In Madness

This week, the main theme for The Naughty Hangout was "Zany".  If we weren't in the middle of a move, we might have come up with a really spectacular picture that fit the theme.  Since we couldn't, we decided to use one of the other themes.  What better way to sum up our lives over the past week or two than "Chaos"?  But don't take my word for it.  Our photo for this week depicts me lying in a three-foot-high pile of clothing that we brought from our old house to our new house.

We hope that by next week things have settled down a bit and we can come up with something more imaginative for the theme.

Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!

-Jill

Retro HNT: Getting Ready

"Getting Ready", posted February 18, 2010

In 2010, we posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT.  We're posting them on our blog, one per week.  They can be found here, along with background information, and all the comments they received.

TMI Tuesday: January 17, 2012 - Hoo Doo

Happy TMI Tuesday. Let’s play Hoo Doo (Who Do?). Answer the following questions and elaborate as you wish. Your answers can be real and truthful, fun and flirty, or crazy and whacky.

Who or Who(m) do you want to:

Jack's Answers

1. Play naked twister with?
There are many women with whom I'd enjoy a randy game of naked Twister.  In fact, there are far too many to list.  Because of this, and because I am paranoid about upsetting one of my many sexy online friends by omitting her name from said list, I'm going to cop out and say that if you've got boobs and I've ever flirted with you (or in some cases, even if I haven't), I would play naked Twister with you.  While you had your right foot on blue and your left hand on green, and I had my left foot on yellow and my cock on red, I would be tumescent from anticipation of the sex that would follow.

2. Love?
Strange question.  I want to love my wife and my daughter, as well as certain of my relatives and close friends.  Accordingly, I do love them.  After all, it's not as though loving someone is something one usually aspires to; if someone wishes to love another person, he or she frequently just does it.

3. Excites you beyond belief?
As written, this question reads, "Who or Who(m) do you want to excites you beyond belief?"  I presume that this question should have read "Who or Who(m) excites you beyond belief?" so I will answer it as though that was how it was written.  The person who excites me beyond belief is Jill, because she is the most exciting woman I've ever met.  I can't even wrap my head around how much she turns me on, and that's pretty much the definition of "beyond belief."

4. Enjoy ass play with?
I guess it depends on what is meant specifically by the term "ass play".  Are we talking about rimming?  Fingering?  Fisting?  Full-on anal sex?  For the purposes of answering this question I'm going to rule out pegging, as it's not really my preferred form of ass play (sorry, ladies).  Regardless of the specific variety of ass play, I'm going to go with Rick Santorum.  I'm not into guys, especially hate-filled right-wing lunatics who consider homosexuality akin to bestiality and child sexual abuse.  And I really don't want the entire world, especially Jill's parents, to have to hear or read all the sordid details of a same-sex extra-marital dalliance in which I've been involved.  But it would be so worth it to play a role in shaming the former senator from Pennsylvania in front of his supporters, and hopefully killing any future political aspirations he may have.  In fact, when I was done with Santorum, I'd move on to Romney, Gingrich and Perry, just in case.

5. Shower with?
I've got a female friend I've known since childhood.  Don't misunderstand; just because she's been a friend for decades, that doesn't mean I can't or don't have sexual feelings for her.  In our twenties, we used to be gym buddies, and would work out together once or twice a week.  When the workout was over, she went into the women's locker room, and I went into the men's locker room.  I wouldn't have minded going into the same locker room, taking a steamy shower with her, making out under the hot spray, and ideally fingering her clit until she came, biting down on my shoulder to stifle her cries.  (Incidentally, the answer to #1 applies here:  If you've got boobs and I've ever flirted with you [or in some cases, even if I haven't], I would like to shower with you.)

6. Undress?
Jill's friend P, who we hot tubbed with on New Year's Eve.  Of Jill's three closest friends, she is the one who I haven't seen naked, or been in some sort of near-sexual situation with.  She's attractive, has a beautiful body, and hopefully once she was naked she would return the favor, and then gaze lovingly at my cock, compliment its girth, and make it touch the back of her throat.

7. Rim?
Didn't question #4 already pertain to the ass?  I'm not engaging in ass play without rimming beforehand.  It's just common courtesy.

8. Elope with?
No one, thanks.  I'm happily married, and while there is no shortage of people I would like to kiss, make out with, get naked with, shower with, take a bath with, get oral sex from, give oral sex to, fist, fuck, cum in, and cum on, I'm certain I will not be eloping with any of them.

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?
I'm going with Jill.  Yeah, I know, I already wake up in her arms.  But I want to forever.  I trust that "Why?" is not a question that requires answering.

Jill's Answers

1. Play naked twister with?
The more the merrier!  Twister is the kind of game that's more fun with a crowd, so it stands to reason that it's even more fun when the crowd is naked.  There's something about a sexy tangle of naked bodies, whether they're on a bed or a Twister mat, that gets me hot.

2. Love?
I love Jack, our daughter, and our family and friends.

3. Excites you beyond belief?
Jack excites me beyond belief.  Lots of men and women turn me on, but I've never been turned on by anyone to the extent that I am by Jack.  He can turn me on with a touch, a smile, or even just a look.  All  it takes is a wink and not only am I soaking wet, but my heart swells with love, desire, and contentment.

4. Enjoy ass play with?
Anyone who knows what he or she is doing would be fine with me.  That means asking for permission, and when it's granted, using lube and going at a pace that I find comfortable.

5. Shower with?
I'd love to take a shower with our Twitter friend and former blogger 13messages, because he sometimes takes sexy pictures of himself in the shower, and it always looks very inviting.  Plus I bet he'd have no trouble getting those hard-to-reach spots on my lower back.

6. Undress?
My old college roommate's husband would be fun to undress, especially if it leads to sex.  Even if it doesn't, I would love to see him naked because according to his wife he has a beautiful, thick cock.  I've actually come very close to seeing it.  How hot would it be if I finally got to see it after stripping off all his clothes?

7. Rim?
I've never rimmed anybody before.  I'm not saying that I wouldn't, just that I can't think of anyone whose asshole I might like to lick.  I've looked at lots of men and thought, "I would probably suck his cock."  I've never looked at a man or woman and thought, "I'd probably rim this person."

8. Elope with?
I'm already married.  I'm not eloping with anybody.  When we were planning our wedding, though, it did occur to Jack and I that it would have been quicker, easier, and cheaper to just elope.  Then again, it wouldn't have been as much fun.

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?
I love waking up in Jack's arms.  I get a euphoric feeling when I feel his embrace and realize that he is holding me protectively, his warm body against mine.  But once in awhile I would love to wake up in the arms of a beautiful woman.  Bonus points if Jack is there too.  I've experienced this once, and I want to do it again, as soon as possible.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!